i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
