i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
