I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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