i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
