i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
