i permit you to call me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize