She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
