i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
