She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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