They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
