When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
