All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
