it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
