I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I party with great urgency now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
