I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
