he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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