I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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