I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
