I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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