But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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