im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
