I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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