And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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