I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
