some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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