I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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