i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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