a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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