Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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