So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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