i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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