my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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