wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
