Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
