I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
