Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
