there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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