i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
