Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
