they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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