yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No subtext here. People are naked.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize