Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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