At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize