the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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