sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
