Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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