We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
