dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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