so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
