So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
