i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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