I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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