Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
