you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
