put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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