Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
