dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize