Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
