He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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