I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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