Will you blow on my dice?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
