I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
