Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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