I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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