I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
