just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
