The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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