This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
