Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
