I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
