Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
