I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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