he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
