Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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