Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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