I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize