Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I looked at my own cervix.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
a search helicopter?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
