Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
