Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
