dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
