No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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