i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
