Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
