Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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