I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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