if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
